Game Boy Advance Month Recap Capcom Month Recap Konami Month Recap Like us on Facebook! Subscribe to us on Twitter! Check out our Tumblr!

Dora The Exfoliator

// review by Jeff

Dora's Xmas Makeover

I sat down, played a couple of games, and wrote my first ever Christmas edition of Browser's Castle. I had a few laughs and killed an hour one afternoon that I'll never get back. But in researching unusual Christmas-flavoured browser games, I came across a game so lamentable, it seemed almost unreal. Initially, I was hesitant to talk about it because it just seemed too lame, but after stewing over it for a very short while, I decided that this game's sheer ridiculousness needs to be revealed for all to see. And so, may I present to you: Dora's Xmas Makeover.

Please first keep in mind that I've previously referred to this as a "game". Well, for the most part, it's NOT. It's basically a low-level exercise in mouse button use. Allow me to explain. While some of the most comically sexy saxophone music plays in the background, you are basically going to give famed imaginative pathfinder Dora the Explorer a makeover. All you need to do for each step is drag the ONE icon that appears on the left (there's only one at a time) onto her face and let the game do the work for you.

So let's start with a basic facial cleansing, courtesy of a cloth, perhaps doused with some fragrant milica freshener and calendula oil. C'mon, Dora, let's use these sweet esters to give you a wonderful glow! ...what, you think I don't know anything about exfoliation? Get with the times, man! Once that's taken care of, we can proceed with a facial of that green goo that women like to slather all over themselves. I'm predicting a hearty blend of puréed cucumber, avocado, and mint, with just a soupçon of eucalyptus to give her skin the optimal pH balance. Then, rinse it off.

She sure looks ecstatically pleased by this treatment.

Next, let's gently apply a purple solution on her face, make with plum pudding and glitter, the ideal cream of choice. Rinse again. Ah, that feels good. Dora can sense even the most subtle of breezes whizzing past her twisty nose hairs as they rush past her recently-cooled skin. Now, using a BRUSH (wait, what?), let's paint her face a flowery magenta, then rinse again! And then... uh... do the same with a more translucent blue substance, quite possibly the extremely limited edition Antifreeze Jell-O. What should we do now? Rinse, I assume. I'm still not sure how we can apply all these liquids with a brush.

Ah, she's beauuuutifu—she looks exactly the same. But we're now ready to doll her up to the max! Let's start with a new hairstyle. By clicking on the comb, I can... change her hair colour, but not the style. Well, alright. Why don't I make it the same colour as old asparagus? I'll also change her eye colour so they match Lucifer's tail. Next, I can do her make-up, which is why I came here in the first place. Let's add some blue eyeshadow and some VERY pink blush. She's starting to have that "help me, I'm gangrening" look. But hold on, Dora, don't rush off to the emergency room just yet! I haven't added a great lipstick colour, gawdy earrings, and a dress that a five-year-old would never wear! And just for the heck of it, why not change your skin colour to purple?

There we go, now you look a bit more like a Disney villain. I shall call you "Dorsula".

I think I'm done. I'm not even going to play the follow-up, Princess Elsa Christmas Prep. It's the same game, just with a more Frozen theme. At least Frozen involves snow and ice, something at least moderately related to Christmas time. Why does Dressup2play exist?

Should you play this?

You can play this game by clicking here.


Widget is loading comments...
Random.access and its contents are © 2005-2017.