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CONSOLE: SNES DEVELOPER: System 3 PUBLISHER: U.S. Gold
RELEASE DATE (NA): 1993 GENRE: Action/Puzzle
// review by SoyBomb

If Super Putty was toast, it would be old toast.

I tried. I really tried to write a review for Super Putty. However, I could hardly keep my eyes open to write it; the game is just that boring. So I am afraid that I cannot review the game. Therefore, I am going to delegate the astute responsibilities of reviewing Super Putty to someone who has experienced the trials and tribulations of the game first hand. C'mon, putty, tell us about the game!

Okay, so, like, the plan was that all my best friends were, like, totally gonerific 'cuz some weird wizard dude — er, I think his name was Dazzledaze or something really not-so-gnarly like that — and he whipped out his big super-duper-sparkly wand and cast it all over my BPFFs (best putty friends forever) and they, like, totally hardened up like chewin' gum on a bedpost — heehee — and then he decided to use them to MAKE chewin' gum so sell 'em at inflated prices 'cuz that's what the bad guyz do so I hafta, like, y'know, rescue 'em or something, so I'z like, 'Ay, getcho hands off my cousin, cousin!' and the wizard be all actin' like a putty-hater, so I'm, like, totally resolvin' to kick his old man behind, y'awl, like, oldschool style, y'know?

This putty is a cheerleader on acid who obviously fell asleep when they were teaching about the dangers of run-on sentences. Anyway, I don't think the storyline really makes any sense, and even if it did, there is very little evidence of a coherent plot within the game itself. Originally a PC game (and perhaps that's where it should have stayed: within the fiery walls of Shareware Hell), the game follows the role of a putty thing who has to stop the nasty wizard, Dazzledaze, who is using his fellow putty people things as ingredients for his bubble gum factory. Who in their cogent mind decided upon an insane premise such as this? In any case, I didn't really notice much bubble gummery when I actually played it, so it was likely just an afterthought to couple with the unusual gameplay. Say there, putty, what did YOU think of the crazy gameplay you had to endure?

Okay, so, like, I got to the factory and it was, like, totally messed up for health codes, y'know, like there was stuff lyin' around all over the place, and robots were hopping around and throwin' stuff all over the place so I had to hop lightly around all that stuff, so after a while I be wanderin' around and I see this gnarly big machine and it was totally freaky so I went up to it and it had a big hole or compartment or something rad like that and I was thinking, like, 'Man, I bet scrunchies come outta here' but turns out I could only stick somethin' in there, so I looked around and I was hoppin' to the beat up and down the platforms and there were these sorta bouncin' dome-shaped robots and they were like totally 'Get us', so I use my putty powers and I flattened out and sucked it up and I was gonna take it to the big machine thing when some other mushroom-shaped goober tried to get in my grill and steal some life energy, so I was like, 'Girl, please' and I totally ramsacked his spores with a punch to the face, and he be all 'Oh nooo' but he exploded and a freakin' baby popped out and that didn't make any sense and when I tried to grab the baby, this big cat head popped outta nowhere and taunted me like I was putty-brained, y'know, but I took the robot I had to the machine and it was all happy 'n I went to the next level but there was even more stuff ta deal with and I was NOT freakin' happy no more, and I think I even saw a renegade sausage or somethin' stupid like that, so I's just be wantin' to leave.

Did anybody catch any of that? The basic goal of this game is to... oh, I don't really know. As a putty, you will need to travel through many levels (in the bubble gum factory) collecting specific robots for some reason, while closely observing your time limit. The game is not explicitly clear as to why I am doing this. I don't think putting mechanical robots into a large dome would be a good way to save my putty friends, but then again, I am not a putty. Along the way, there are various contraptions and annoying vagabond robots. The putty has several self-mutilating tools that he can use to get by, including the ability to stretch for some reason, the ability to punch left and right using the L + R buttons, and the uncanny ability to puff himself and explode, causing enemies on screen to perish. The last one is probably the most useful because the stretching never helped me since I can just jump from platform to platform (no need to stretch that distance!), and the punching requires very close proximity. Also, unless you are well versed with the controls, you won't figure out how to do stuff until you play around with it for a very long time. For those who rented Super Putty without a manual, my apologies.


This is why Concerned Children's Advertisers and the Kids Help Phone line exist.

Okay, so, like, I am downright pretty hot, y'know, 'cuz blue is totally the new bae but all the places I went were totally cartoonish but they're, like, kinda funny-lookin' too, but I can live with 'em 'cuz they serve the purpose but sometimes with all the flashy bits goin' down, I miss some stuff and can't rescue my friends 'cuz I become, like, totally inefficienado, so they should've toned it down a bit — the graphics should not say 'Let's play', not 'Like, haaaaay, let's limbo!', y'know — and also the sound effects and stuff were annoying, 'specially the weird cat dude from the high score screen 'cuz I don't know what he's screamin', but we are totally not copasetic here, and I don't even remember the music but I think it should've been saved the circus or an asylum, y'know?

I think I mildly understood what that meant. So what do you think about Super Putty overall?

Ya, like, even though I'm in it, which is totally the highlight of the game, I think this game is not much fun at all 'cuz it has no point, the controls are totally stupid, and there just ain't enough excitement to even wake up a drowsy dude, so I'm just gonna, like, give it a low score and hop away, man, 'cuz it ain't gonna hold a candle to the other wicked awesum games on the SNES, so, like, play Yoshi's Island instead, 'cuz that's the real deal.

Agreed. This game is as boring as it could get. I'd rather hang by my nosehairs over a precipice than play this again. I'm sure someone else will enjoy it, but not me, my friend. Not me. I didn't even find writing this review mildly amusing (but I'd like to thank the putty from Super Putty for helping me out). Just don't play it unless you are trying to get out of a really bad date. Oh, and my apology for all the ellipses in this review, but my train of thought has been altered after I took several different drugs to try and better understand this game. They don't work, man! They TOTALLY don't work!


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