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CONSOLE: Game Boy Advance DEVELOPER: Mobile21 PUBLISHER: Konami
RELEASE DATE (NA): November 26, 2001 GENRE: Action
// review by Lydia

Jurassic Fart.

Jurassic Park III was not a great movie. You know, I know it, everybody knows it. It wasn't necessarily a bad movie though—after all, it was the first in the series that wasn't based off of a book. (If you haven't read Jurassic Park or The Lost World, DO IT NOW.) As with every popular movie series, there were several Jurassic-themed games released after the movie premier. One of which was Jurassic Park III: Island Attack. If you're looking for a "tl;dr" version of this review, here it is: Meh, it's ok.

This game is surprisingly short. You could probably watch the movie and play the game at the same time; they'd finish around the same point. It's "loosely based on the movie". When they said loose, they probably meant hanging by half a thread on fire. The only thing about the game that is similar to the movie is the presence of Dr. Alan Grant... or Indiana Jones in a full denim suit. It's hard to tell, there's not much difference. Sure, sure, there's an airplane crash and a Spinosaurus stomping around, but there's no one getting gobbled up. There's no frantic parents. There's no Spinosaurus/T-Rex showdown. Most disappointingly, there's no satellite phone ringtone! The story is basically this: Dr. Grant is the lone survivor of a plane crash on Isla Sorna and must make his way to the docks where the Coast Guard is waiting for him. That's it. Riveting, eh?

Run, you say? You don't have to tell me twice!

The game plays fairly simply. It can be challenging at times, but otherwise you can basically run through the levels dodging dinosaurs like cow patties. You are given a few choice weapons such as a flare gun and a tranquilizer gun. Honestly, though, the awful aiming system of the Game Boy Advance makes it impossible to do anything with the guns. This is most evident in the motorcycle and parachute levels. Yes, you heard correctly. Dr. Grant speeds through the jungle on a motorcycle surrounded by velociraptors taking a stroll through the cornfields years and years before Jurassic World. Jumping is a bit of a pain as well. You'll often find yourself lightly brushing the edge of the abyss as you plummet to your demise. You may as well just stay down there. While you're down there, look for the decrepit program this game was made on.

I hope you aren't looking for a variety of dino buddies because the species on the island is limited. There's a total of six kinds of dinosaurs, each of which want to eat you, jump on you, spit on you, headbutt you, or stomp on you. Not even one peaceful herbivore in sight! All you find are carnivores with the attitude of a bull in heat that sat on a wasp nest. If you're lucky enough to immobilize one of these suckers, they'll twitch around in the fetal position. The good thing about this game is that once you defeat something, it will not respawn when you change screens.

As many frustrations as this game caused me (many huffs were given this day), I don't consider the game all that bad. Just like the movie, it's not great—but it's not painfully awful either. It's a relatively good way to waste some time on a rainy afternoon. The music is decent. The graphics are... well, so-so. But hey, there's dinosaurs! What more do you expect from Jurassic Park?

What's that?

Actual content, you say?

Pshhhh, naw. Who needs content when you're shooting some Velociraptors in the face!

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