But when it first came out in 1986, the game looked really old. No, I mean REALLY OLD. It looked even older than Pac-Man. At least Pac-Man faced a different direction when he moved. Every character in Dragon Quest faced forward no matter which direction they were travelling. So the visuals got a redux. Now people face a direction other than down if that's not where they should be looking. The music and sound...well, they're rather similar. Not much you can do to update NES sound quality. Maybe add a few extra scratchy noises as a funky beat.

But what most irks the avid Dragon Warrior fan is that the folks over at Enix decided to "localize" this game for the North American crowd. But instead of simply toning down any foulings (religious symbolism, bad language, girls bending over), they gave us olde English! Yeah, that was nice of them. Instead of the game just telling it like it is, they give us messages like this:

Thanks for telling me about the whole door-key theory, by the way. I thought I could use ye olde coat hanger OR ye olde Mastercarde.

If there's a game that bases itself on building experience, Dragon Warrior is it. I put in, oh, maybe thirty hours of level building, and that was just to get myself to Level 20! Wow. I'd be an old man by the time I got to Level 30 (the maximum, thank God). And because there's so very little storyline, those thirty hours are pretty much consecutive (in terms of the amount of time in which I played the game -- I did stop to eat, urinate, sleep, pee, go to school, take a whiz, hang with friends, and "drain the lizard" sometimes). But after I hit Level 20, I thought 'The hell with it -- I'm going to go after the Dragonlord. I have other games that are crying out to be played. Look at that -- Kirby's Adventure is weeping on my carpet.' So I did, and thankfully, I beat the guy on the first try. But it was Hell getting over there -- too many Armored Knights and tiles that take away hit points. But the ending theme was nice. And it looks like I get to do some more traveling with my hot wife Gwaelin (whom I saved from a Dragon -- wuss).

Also in the game are special items, hidden in the most poor of places. No, they're not really found in chests (like they should be). Using vague clues from townsfolk, you must go to a certain spot, usually on the world map, and search that area. But you must be on the correct tile! If you are one step away from the special item, you won't find it. The game is very specific as to the snatching of the kickass loot. For example, you must be five steps away from a fountain in the town of Kol to receive the Fairy Flute. Damn you.

Thankfully, you're not walking across the continent without being able to do what is now considered standard RPG actions. Yep, you visit towns (usually consisting of bumbling buffoons with the conversational power of a raisin). You buy more protective armor and more powerful weaponry to chop your foes with. That Magic Armor is a saviour, because you can walk around and refill your hit points slowly. You learn spells as you increase in Experience Level. The HURTMORE spell is especially nice during tough battles, as is the HEALMORE spell when you're gettin' low on life and high on the ability to die. (Although there WAS that one time when I really wished I had a HEALEVENMORE spell...) And don't forget the random battles... the crazy random battles... the annoying random battles...