Alright, in the red corner, weighing in at 160 pounds (brown sweater and tobacco pipe included), we have the legendary holiday crooner himself, Bing Crosby! *applause* And in the blue corner, weighing in at less than that, the screeching soundstylist himself, Skrillex! And now, the maiiiiiin event! LLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLE! *ding* And there they go, ready to...
Oh wait, this is Christmas MATCHUP, not Christmas MASHUP. Okay, jus... just scrap that whole introduction.
Christmas Mashup is a DOS game originally created in 1994 but for whatever reason was updated twice in 1995 and 1997 (if the years on the exciting copyright screen are anything to be believed). The game really shows its age by offering a homepage for the game hosted at members.aol.com, something that hasn't existed since that worldwide ban on those "50 Free Hours of AOL" discs came into place. Of even greater surprise: you can buy it by sending money to Christian ministries in Texas. Boy, that Peter Popoff is even in the software business!
Basically, if you know what a game of Memory or Concentration looks like, then you have the premise to Christmas Matchup already in your head. There are 25 cards on the screen, and you have to find where all the pairs are, in as few moves as possible, by guessing two at a time. So, what would you expect from Christmas Matchup? Cards with pictures of Santa Claus, presents, reindeer, elves, and decorated tinsel-laden trees? Try again. All of these cards are rather Biblical. Among them are ones referencing Bible verses (one says John 3:16, meaning it may be sports-related, if my limited knowledge of signs held up at baseball games is true), an accurately-pixelized image of Jesus walking on water toward people in a boat with the caption "Lord Save Me!", and the always popular "You will call him 'Yeshua'" catchphrase. This is more in line with what Christmas is ACTUALLY about, rather than what it has become in the mainstream eye.
And when you match two successfully, you get a heartwarming MIDI rendition of a popular Christmas song, such as Silent Night, The First Noel, and Joy To The World, just clipped rather early.
Talk about shovelware: this is something that should be shoveled into a large kiln at a crematorium. You play it for less than a minute, and you see it all. The author is requesting that the game can be paid for if you send $7 to one of his ministries. I think it would take me longer to chew and swallow seven dollars than to play this game. Don't send him the money: send it to me instead.
