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RELEASE DATE (JP): July 15, 1994 GENRE: Platformer
// review by EscapeRouteBritish

They're not so cheeky, really.

Chiki Chiki Boys is an arcade side-scrolling platformer action game with co-operative multiplayer, well, depending on what version you play. The most well-known and popular port, the Sega Mega Drive/Genesis version, is missing the multiplayer component and leaves the game severely lacking as a result.

Unless you like playing alone, because actually, it's a very good port. It contains arcade-perfect visuals and flawless control. But we're not talking about that one. Because I said so. So there.

The ports to low-end systems like Atari ST, they're not even worth mentioning to be honest. Sorry, Amiga lovers. Maybe one day. Luckily, a version exists with all of the arcade version's features, those great controls, and available in your home! But it was only released in Japan, oh darn. And also for the rather obscure PC-Engine CD-ROM, rather than a more mainstream system.

Entirely in Japanese, too. Oh, isn't it a shame how that happens?

I had to look the story up on account of not being able to read it all that well (or at all). It isn't that great anyway. Something about two twins looking to take back control of Alurea, which just sounds like the kind of name a hemorrhoid cream would have. No, that's actually their homeland, which was taken over by monsters. Because it had been a conflict-less utopia for one thousand years, nobody knew how to fight. That's the reason why they were so easy to get taken over, duh.

They should have had some P.E. in their curriculum.

I believe a hurricane went through that cave... 'cause... 'cause the, uh, the sign is bent, y'know...

So the twins have to get some legendary stone called "Dragon Blue Eyes". Now that just sounds like a Yu-Gi-Oh! card, doesn't it? A fairly boring story but hey, old games like this never were Shakespeare quality, not really. They can't all be political commentary like SimPark (we all know the true meaning behind the invading "Japanese" arrowroot — them foreigners comin' in to take our country out from underneath us.)

The game is predictable and sort of boring. You run around, killing things with your sword, collecting coins and using different magic spells. It scratches an itch for classic arcade-style action suitably so I can't argue with that. Far from excellent, though.

The first stage takes you across some mountainous looking areas fighting balls of fluff that look a bit too cute to be slaughtered and peas in a pod that come to life. Huh. So it's one of those games, is it? Then you get to stroll through a cave, killing stalagmites that come to life. Huh. So, it's one of those games, is it?

The second stage takes place mostly in the sky, killing cherubs. Actually, the majority of monsters in this game aren't threatening looking at all. They're all quite adorable. The boss is a two-headed dragon, probably the first menacing thing so far.

Guard your cheeks, boys: things are about to get rough when a giant turtle lizard shows up to the party.

Then it's off to the ocean for the third stage, killing rather innocent-looking fish. Also, haunted sunken pirate ships, they're always good.

These three stages can be played in any order. The remaining two are played afterwards, in sequence. And they're tough, like dried up taffy. Stage 4 is comprised of five sections with some repeated bosses and re-used level layouts. At least they've now added damsels for you to rescue... or something. I can't read what they're saying, so I assume they're all like, "Be careful up because they're re-using old bosses but with a different palette to make it seem like new content!"

I couldn't actually reach the end, though I'm sure with practice I could. I really can't be bothered though. It killed some time, but I've had enough now. Bah, kinda dull really. Really sort of petered out at the end, it has.

So I'll make up the ending. The twins defeat the bad guy and peace returns to Anusol Land. Soothing relief ensues.

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