It's the new year, and that means a whole new set of obscure games.
THOSE MAYANS BETTER NOT BE MESSING WITH US. THIS COLUMN NEEDS TO END THIS YEAR, AND I NEED TO GET BACK TO MY TRUE PASSION.
And what would that be?
Really! I'm quite surprised, considering your general lack of flexibility in all other aspects.
WHY, YOU CHEEKY DEVIL, YOU!
No, really. I think I may have misjudged you. I had you pegged as a firm, unlovable coot, enveloping a bitter, soured soul. Yet within that crusty exterior lies a heart of pure gold; there is sensitivity flowing through your veins, shackled down like rickety manacles, simply aching to burst out and spread like a brushfire. Your love of spirituality, developed through the self-mastering art of pilates, is just the beginning to the true you. Am I correct?
ACTUALLY, I JUST LIKE THE COMPANY OF FEMALE PILATES MASTERS AS THEY PRAISE THE ALMIGHTY RA... OR WHATEVER IT MAY BE THEY'RE PRAISING. SOFT YOGA MATS, PROBABLY.
ER... I MEAN, DON'T YOU HAVE A GAME FOR US THIS MONTH?
Well, yes, though I'm now a tad distracted. Er...um...ah yes! This month's entry into the GameCola Hall of Obscure Fame is Gunpuru: Gunman's Proof for the Super Famicom (the Japanese equivalent of the SNES, for those not in the know). It would have come over this way had the popularity of the SNES not faded so quickly in 1997. I believe the game could have seen modest success here, considering it's set in the Old West!
Taking on the role of a young boy on a tropical island (with strong western undertones... and a saloon) in the year 1880, you are soon possessed by the Space Sheriff, Zero, who can give you extraordinary powers beyond that of a typical human. Don't get too excited — that just means he can survive a bit longer during his dungeon-crawling adventures, although your character can also wield a flamethrower, an unusual feat for the 19th century. Anyway, your overall goal is to stop the conquerage of the island from Demi, the space vigilante who has naught but evil on his mind! Taking down all of his minions (a splended mix of foreign devils and blue possessed humans with mild to moderate gunmanship skills) is your main goal, though you can also enjoy some fiiiiine scenery along the way. Other than that, it's your typical friendly top-down adventure game, not unlike Zelda: A Link to the Past, but with more unusual-looking town citizens.
ZELDA, EH? I HEAR THAT'S A GOOD SERIES.
It sure is. Ever play Wand of Gamelon? Flackin' brilliant.
SO I GUESS YOU'D OPENLY RECOMMEND THIS GUNPOO, ER, WHATEVER YOU CALLED THIS GAME...
Yeah, if you can get your hands on it.
SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.
Hey, when did you put your leg over your head?
JUST PRACTICING MY PILATES POSITIONS. I'M LOOKING TO SCORE A HOT DATE TONIGHT!
Ah, you British folk and your presumed "charm." Anyway, welcome to 2012, a year of new and exciting obscure games!
YOU MEAN THIS COLUMN ISN'T ACTUALLY GOING TO END? SNAP-FU!