Game Boy Advance Month Recap Capcom Month Recap Konami Month Recap Like us on Facebook! Subscribe to us on Twitter!
// article by SoyBomb

Amongst the many mysterious hacks of Super Mario Bros. laying about across this wild thing known as the Internet are a series of unnamed hacks, all just files starting with "SMB1-", followed by a seemingly random number up to 256. There aren't 256 different hacks of this nature, mind you, but there are definitely a significant amount, and they all have one thing in common: they're non-functioning.

Although a title screen appears and selections are available, there's no button you can press, no key you can strike, that will get you past that title screen. It's almost as if the creator of all these didn't WANT you to play! The games themselves are red herrings! All we can do is sit there and wait for the Mario demo to start up as we watch him hop around like a goofball hepped up on tomato paste. But hey, each game has its own unique take on Mario. Most of them have either redesigned layouts or swapped palettes, so there's something different to look at for each one.

I know what you're thinking. First of all, why did I even create a useless article like this? Well, it's because if I didn't, you wouldn't know about this useless material. And the more you know, the more you grow. But secondly, and perhaps even more importantly, who would have the audacity to create such a series of unfortunate events? Most of the games lack clear identifiers, often opting to maintain the Nintendo copyright information circa 1985. But at least twice, these space-munchers can be attributed to someone who goes by the name of "Mana." Thank you, Mana, for teaching me how great games can fall and how games I think are terrible are actually better than this. Spawn: The Eternal is a step up from these.

Alright, sooo... without further ado, let's see just what all the fuss is about:

Getting off to a great start: Mario's already in a pickle in this snow-themed paradise.

It may be dark and foreboding, but I still say, "Go 4 It!"

What's with the rows of bloody wheat bales?

Explain how Mario is going to get to those blocks at the bottom. EXPLAAAA—

Easy Game or Hard Game? Considering I can't choose either, it's always easy.

Looks like Mario escaped from prison.

Those green overalls really suit you, Mario. Who are you trying to be?

Mario got the point.

Without a raccoon tail, Mario plummets to his doom, just as the quality of this game did.

Mario, you're... you're going the WRONG WAY!

There's absolutely nothing of interest here. Look away.

What are you waiting for? Start wedging!

Those darn kids taped him to the flagpole again!

This is it. The entire hack. Nothing else happens.
...That explains the top score.

Goomba stuck in a pipe! Game over!

Everything is the colour of a chalk outline, representing the death of this game.

That Goomba on the right falls through the floor every time.

Good luck being a ghost and passing through solid objects there.

The Bullet Bills actually travel at hyperspeed in this hack. Too bad it's unplayable.

Mario's face says what we're all thinking. Wait, you're not thinking that?

Basically the same as the original. Borrrrr-ing.

Defying the laws of science again, eh, Mario?

Whoa-hey! I didn't come here just to be lectured!

Yeahhhh! Do your best to escape a terrible lecture on responsible mushroom use!

The demo can't pass this quick fireball chain. Neither can you... because you can't play.

Feels like traffic at rush hour.

Well, isn't this just a gift from Mana.

There weren't Pirahna Plants there before! Who could have done this?

An alternate universe... a shadow universe... an unplayable universe...

Oh, you're going to have a heck of a time leaping over that monolith. Give up and go to Arby's.

Nothin' doin.

Widget is loading comments...
Random.access and its contents are © 2005-2021.