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// article by Jeff

Amongst the many mysterious hacks of Super Mario Bros. laying about across this wild thing known as the Internet are a series of unnamed hacks, all just files starting with "SMB1-", followed by a seemingly random number up to 256. There aren't 256 different hacks of this nature, mind you, but there are definitely a significant amount, and they all have one thing in common: they're non-functioning.

Although a title screen appears and selections are available, there's no button you can press, no key you can strike, that will get you past that title screen. It's almost as if the creator of all these didn't WANT you to play! The games themselves are red herrings! All we can do is sit there and wait for the Mario demo to start up as we watch him hop around like a goofball hepped up on tomato paste. But hey, each game has its own unique take on Mario. Most of them have either redesigned layouts or swapped palettes, so there's something different to look at for each one.

I know what you're thinking. First of all, why did I even create a useless article like this? Well, it's because if I didn't, you wouldn't know about this useless material. And the more you know, the more you grow. But secondly, and perhaps even more importantly, who would have the audacity to create such a series of unfortunate events? Most of the games lack clear identifiers, often opting to maintain the Nintendo copyright information circa 1985. But at least twice, these space-munchers can be attributed to someone who goes by the name of "Mana." Thank you, Mana, for teaching me how great games can fall and how games I think are terrible are actually better than this. Spawn: The Eternal is a step up from these.

Alright, sooo... without further ado, let's see just what all the fuss is about:

SMB1-54
Getting off to a great start: Mario's already in a pickle in this snow-themed paradise.

SMB1-77
It may be dark and foreboding, but I still say, "Go 4 It!"

SMB1-95
What's with the rows of bloody wheat bales?

SMB1-123
Explain how Mario is going to get to those blocks at the bottom. EXPLAAAA—

SMB1-142
Easy Game or Hard Game? Considering I can't choose either, it's always easy.

SMB1-143
Looks like Mario escaped from prison.

SMB1-152
Those green overalls really suit you, Mario. Who are you trying to be?
LOO-WEE-GEE?!?!

SMB1-155
Mario got the point.

SMB1-173
Without a raccoon tail, Mario plummets to his doom, just as the quality of this game did.

SMB1-174
Mario, you're... you're going the WRONG WAY!

SMB1-211
There's absolutely nothing of interest here. Look away.

SMB1-213
What are you waiting for? Start wedging!

SMB1-214
Those darn kids taped him to the flagpole again!

SMB1-215
This is it. The entire hack. Nothing else happens.
...That explains the top score.

SMB1-218
Goomba stuck in a pipe! Game over!

SMB1-222
Everything is the colour of a chalk outline, representing the death of this game.

SMB1-223
That Goomba on the right falls through the floor every time.

SMB1-224
Good luck being a ghost and passing through solid objects there.

SMB1-231
The Bullet Bills actually travel at hyperspeed in this hack. Too bad it's unplayable.

SMB1-234
Mario's face says what we're all thinking. Wait, you're not thinking that?

SMB1-239
Basically the same as the original. Borrrrr-ing.

SMB1-240
Defying the laws of science again, eh, Mario?

SMB1-242
Whoa-hey! I didn't come here just to be lectured!

SMB1-243
Yeahhhh! Do your best to escape a terrible lecture on responsible mushroom use!

SMB1-244
The demo can't pass this quick fireball chain. Neither can you... because you can't play.

SMB1-246
Feels like traffic at rush hour.

SMB1-249
Well, isn't this just a gift from Mana.

SMB1-253
There weren't Pirahna Plants there before! Who could have done this?

SMB1-254
An alternate universe... a shadow universe... an unplayable universe...

SMB1-255
Oh, you're going to have a heck of a time leaping over that monolith. Give up and go to Arby's.

SMB1-256
Nothin' doin.


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