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// article by Jeff

Whoever made this has WAY too much free time. I don't mean a bit too much free time. I'm talking SERIOUSLY too much free time. Instead of making this particular hack, he (or she, though I don't find too many girls of this level of immaturity around who are also able to hack NES games on a whim) could have done so many other things. He could have cured cancer. He could have developed a robot arm that opens those stupid twist-off bottles that don't actually twist off. He could have slept. But no. Instead, someone decided to strip the clothing off of the children in M.C. Kids and create "Dick Kids", which is also a misnomer because there are no male genitals on either of the main characters. And that's good, because otherwise, it would be child pornography. Frankly, this is a somewhat uncomfortable take on gaming to discuss in the first place.

"Dick Kids" takes on the basic overall premise of M.C. Kids for the NES: While camping in the backyard (though now nude), the kids read a book about Ronald McDonald and pretty much become encapsulated in the fantasy that they are the heroes of the book. When Ronald tells either of the M.C. Kids that his Magic Bag has been stolen (which now takes on a new meaning given the nature of this hack), it's up to them to find it because Ronald is lazy. Or he can't accomplish much in those ridiculous shoes. So this version of the game throws two naked boys out into McDonaldland to pick up Puzzle Cards all over the place in order to advance through

Aside from the obvious changes in clothing on the sprites (which lacks details, thus making it safe for other weird people to play... excluding myself from the bunch, of course), there are a few other graphical changes. In the introductory sequence, now they're only wearing hats and shoes and reading... wait, wasn't that supposed to be a book about Ronald McDonald? So why does it say "PORN" on the cover? I knew it! Circus porn! This shouldn't be! Also, genitals appear on the secondary characters: Ronald McDonald has a powerful crimson erection; Birdie's breasts sag terribly and clearly needs a trim down yonder; Grimace has a big penis. The list goes on. I could only play so far before I realized how ridiculous this game gets. As well, all the levels on the map are marked with statues that look very much like... you guessed it: man-figs.

Yet beyond the truly empowering inclusion of naughty bits, the game plays exactly the same. On the positive side, M.C. Kids isn't a bad game in its own rite. Better yet, no actual child genitals are shown, making this only highly inappropriate instead of EXTREMELY inappropriate. We give you our deepest thanks for making this amazingly rich and artistic contribution to society, Mr. hentai_no_kami@hotmail.com, an address which you have so blatantly placed within the game itself. Without your tiring... er, hour or so of effort, we would not be able to play as naked children running errands for an eccentric restaurant jester poking out of his clown suit. End sarcasm.

Here are a few screenshots to illustrate how awesome this hack is. Okay, NOW end sarcasm:


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