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Episode VIII: Yet Another Episode Where Soy Meets Peril

Blind Man Soy, our favourite sightless detective, is still tied up underneath the Amsu Pyramid at the hands of three mummy-stealing delinquents.
BLIND MAN SOY: Reanimating a mummy... doesn't that seem a little pointless?
LOLO: Hey, it makes for a pretty neat school project.
BLIND MAN SOY: School project?
ROLO: Heh, yeah, we're finally gonna beat that Osiris Jones this year. Dude thinks he's so cool with his homemade spectrometer. Well, we'll cream him like corn with our entry into the Helios Valley High School Science Fair and Cotton Candytorium!
BLIND MAN SOY: They serve cotton candy at this event?!
ROLO: Geez, everybody always focuses on the cotton candy...
BLIND MAN SOY: Anyway, couldn't you have come up with anything else for your project? Maybe have a hamster run through a maze or developing your own functioning telegraph or even testing if sitting on a potato long enough could cook it. You know, nothing illegal like like stealing a priceless pharaoh's corpse!
YOLO: Actually, makin' a telegraph's illegal 'round here, man. Morse code leads to drugs, man.
BLIND MAN SOY: Uh, yeah, sure. Besides, reanimation is majorly passé, what with all the zombie movies and vampire sagas and emotionless Kristen Stewarts. Nobody's going to be impressed with your little experiment. It's just not fresh!
ROLO: You know what, guys? I think he's right...
LOLO: Yes. Stealing the mummified body of King Tutenpoufen simply was not the answer to our problems.
BLIND MAN SOY: I'm glad you're finally coming to your senses. If we return that pharaoh now, I'm sure I can convince the police to show you some leniency.
LOLO: ...Leniency?
BLIND MAN SOY: Well, yeah. After all, you DID steal the mummy.
YOLO: Yo, man, we don't want no jail time!
LOLO: Yeah, this won't do at all. Hey! Lo Crew Huddle!
The three Los clamor together into a group and begin whispering at a decibel level so low, even Blind Man Soy's particularly sensitive ears fail to pick up the general idea. They soon break apart.
LOLO: You know, you're right. Bringing King Tutenpoufen back to life wouldn't be that cool. We don't need to keep that stuffy old fellow around in this cave any longer.
BLIND MAN SOY: Excellent! Now if you'll just untie me--
ROLO: Ah, no, no, no. I don't think we'll be doing that.
LOLO: Right. You see, we've come up with a much more exciting project to work on! Instead of bringing a mummy back to life, why not have a live mummification?
BLIND MAN SOY: That's freaky. Plus, where will you find a dead body to... uh-oh... Oh, damn, you mean me, don't you!
LOLO: You catch on fast. But forget the science fair: maybe we should aim higher than that.
BLIND MAN SOY: You mean, the Regional Science Fair?
LOLO: Think bigger, you imbecile! What better way to fall into a sea of infamy than by mummifying you, the world-renowned bumbling detective, Blind Man Soy... live on YouTube!
BLIND MAN SOY: Oh no! I'm in trouble now! ...I want my mummy! ...Oh wait! Soon, I will be my own mummy! How will this affect my family tree?!

[ ...to be continued... ]

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