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Episode XI: The Unimaginative Contraption of Professor Soy Humpernickel

Our favourite blind detective, Blind Man Soy, has freed himself from the slimy goo that was supposedly embalming fluid but cleverely botched by the intricate mind of Soy. Now, freed from his bonds and, more importantly, free not to be mummified live on YouTube, he must figure out what to do next.
BLIND MAN SOY: Ah, freedom is a wonderful thing indeed. I'm going to have tapioca pudding in my ears for a long time, though. Oh well, it will give me something to snack on during my off-time. Now, all that's left is to give these kids a taste of their own medicine. Luckily for me, if I feel around for a bit... yes, indeed, they left their equipment here. Time for a little Soy-based magic. And I'm not talking about vegan sausage!
After a brief interlude of frolic through the ever-swirling sands, the Lo Crew returns to their underground hideout.
YOLO: Yeah, we gots ourselves some sweet snacks! I'm gonna wrap one'a my Slim Jims with the garlic bologna! Ultra c-c-combo!
ROLO: Dude, that's just gross. You wrap up Slim Jims with pimento loaf, not bologna. See, this is why you've been left behind in the tenth grade so many times. You're so ignorant of common sense things, man!
LOLO: Hey, will you two clambrains pipe down? Something isn't right here. Something's missing...
ROLO: Well, the backpacks are still here, and the laptop hasn't moved.
LOLO: No, that's not it... *gasp* SOY! The damn detective's gone missing! Where's our mummy?
Suddenly, the three are swooped up into a giant net and held captive!
ROLO: Whoa! What's going on?
LOLO: And why is this net all gross and liquified?
BLIND MAN SOY: Oh, uh, I can field that one.
Blind Man Soy suddenly appears from the darkness.
LOLO: I thought I could smell you nearby...
BLIND MAN SOY: Silence! You see, the unusual fluids found on the netting here are the very same ones you tried to embalm me with! You kids are pretty daft, not knowing the difference between an embalming fluid and tapioca pudding.
YOLO: Man, so it WAS okay to eat?
BLIND MAN SOY: You think you can outsmart the semi-legendary Blind Man Soy? Ha! I laugh at your pitiful natures! Ha! I have just laughed again! Don't tempt me to do it a third time!
LOLO: Damn you, Soy! How did you prepare this net?
BLIND MAN SOY: There were extra ropes in your knapsacks there that I used to prepare this magnificent trap. Er, plus I had to string together a bit of my own hair when I ran out of rope. I was excellent at weaving in Home Economics class before I was blinded by magnesium, and I suppose my hands have not lost the skill! I guess you could say you can really tell my "net worth"!
A collective groan wafts through the cave.
BLIND MAN SOY: The police are on their way and they will gladly take care of you hooligans! You're going away for a long, long time for stealing the mummified corpse of King Tutenpoufen AND for trying to murder me on YouTube!
ROLO: Oh no! Now we'll never be internet celebrities!
BLIND MAN SOY: I think you still can. Smile for the camera, fellas...
The Lo Crew notices themselves being broadcast live on the webcam to eager viewers around the world.
LOLO: Curse you, Soy! My hair isn't the way I want it to be for a worldwide broadcast! Hey, wait a second! How did you manage to contact the police so quickly?
BLIND MAN SOY: Oh, I always keep a cellphone somewhere on my body.
LOLO: I really don't want to know where.
ROLO: I kinda do.
BLIND MAN SOY: And so, once again, Blind Man Soy saves the day! I am an international hero! Well, boys, did you learn anything from this experience?
YOLO: Yeah, I did. Rolo was right about the Slim Jim and bologna combo. I think I'm going to barf...
And lo, he did vomit upon the cave floor, and it was pungent. Yet it was still the scent of victory as Blind Man Soy guarded the captured criminals while they awaited the arrival of the Alexandrian police.

[ ...to be continued... ]

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