Game Boy Advance Month Recap Capcom Month Recap Konami Month Recap Like us on Facebook! Subscribe to us on Twitter!


Page 5

KING OF KINGS

No, "King of Kings" doesn't refer to any special card in a deck of cards! You silly nutbar! Believe it or choose not to, King of Kings is actually yet another religion-based game for the NES! That's cool!

King of Kings was released in 1991 (probably along with a bunch of other nonsensical biblical games), and is one of those games that once you get started, you just have to stop. If you look at the box art to the left, you'll see that the game is supposed to look exciting. You might think that you must ride your wild untameable camel through the hot desert in search of the lost treasure of the fabled Incan warriors. This is followed by the quick but painful let-down that you're just ride your damned ol' walnut-brained camel across a dull Arabian set that was borrowed from a campy 50's surfer movie with James Dean. After you toss this out the window, you still won't feel like a rebel without a cause though. Anyway, I feel tired. Here's a run-down of the three mini-games that have arisen in the King of Kings. Oh, but first, a quote from the manual:

Do you know the King of Kings?
Have you entered into a relationship with the living Savior?

There are three "mini-quests". In The Wise Men...well, you were not a wise man if you bought the game in the first place. The copy of the manual I found indicated nothing of this sub-quest, so I'll have to wing it this time. This is the game where you ride the camel. You are a wise man dressed in green. Ride your camel until you find a suitable treasure to donate to the United Manger Foundation, but watch for perils in your way. I don't think it really matters what the point is, as nobody will really play far enough through the game to find out what happens anyway. At least the camel tucks in its legs when it jumps. That's a good thing, right? RIGHT?

Next is Flight to Egypt! Guess what you get to be in here! No, not Moses. No, not Job. No, not even any strange reference only Ned Flanders could concoct! It's a donkey! If it's a burrow, we'll call him Milton (I'd like to thank the writers of Full House for devising that joke). You must carry Joseph, Mary, and baby Jesus across Egypt. Why? To get to the other side, you crazy nut! Milton Burrow must face troubles and hardships in grassy knolls, icy slippery tundra-infested barrenlands (in Egypt still), and on mountain trails. In fact, enemies such as rabbis will attack you! Be careful, as one slip-up could send you straight to the glue factory.

And then, the big climax of life -- Jesus and the Temple. A character being both a child and an adult in the same game?! Where have I heard of that before... Anyway, I have bad news. During the feast at Passover, we find out that Jesus is missing! That can't be good, can it? Play as Mary and Joseph in order to find their son and bring him back to the feast. We hope Joseph doesn't give him a paddling for his tomboyish nature. The manual claims there are "eight levels of action", but nobody has seemed to get through all eight levels. Nobody has gotten through ONE level. Poor Jesus; he may never be found. Just kidding. We wouldn't have "A.D." without him. And we'd probably have negative numbered years.

Good. I looked at all three quests in the game, but only one of them has to do with the title...sort of. There's no Genesis version of this game, but it would make no difference anyhow. So, should you play this game? Well...I still say go and try "Exodus" instead. Or better yet, read a book. Better still, read a short book.


No sign of graphics by Nina this time. I miss her, sort of.

Camels are excellent for platforming.

In "Flight to Egypt", you play a lovable donkey. However, you have to carry three passengers across Egypt. They're pretty heavy; they obviously enjoy their daily whale fat dinner.

The answer is...Don Knotts!

< Back To Page 4 On To Page 6 >


Widget is loading comments...
Random.access and its contents are © 2005-2019.