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Meow Mix
Kinder Joy
// article by Meow

Between kind joy and kindest joy.

Kinder eggs were a childhood favorite of mine, getting neat little figures and toys inside of a delicious creamy milk chocolate and white chocolate shell in the shape of a chicken egg. It was shocking when I moved to the USA eons ago and found that such treats were banned hardcore because apparently people in the States have a problem with letting their kids swallow everything whole like demented serpents. So there I was, Kinderless, and had to resort to smuggling operations to get my fix of cheap toys and chocolate shells.

Dramatic exaggerations aside, and years later, I now no longer really need to care about bans on these treats anymore, but something did recently catch my eye in my adventures in the grocery stores, and that thing is a certain mutation of these once-forbidden goodies: Kinder Joy.

What glorious secrets lay within your plastic shell, oh egg-shaped wonder? Well, for starter, the plastic shell has one half that contains a toy and the other half that contains a sort of nutella-style chocolate spread (no hazelnuts, sadly) with a couple of chocolate wafer balls. Included within is also a plastic scraper of sorts so that you can scoop up this chocolate slime and shovel it into your gob. It's while chocolate spread on top, with a layer of milk chocolate spread on the bottom in a fashion akin to kinder eggs, and the wafers are pretty nice themselves. Nice n' crunchy.

On the toy side, I got this weird device and a plastic top to spin. The instructions say that I can attach one half of the plastic shell to this device so I can rest it on a surface and spin the top on the device, using the handle on it to move the spinning top around, but that shell just isn't wanting to stay put. Plus, the handle on the device liked to pop off. But hey, it's a cheap plastic toy, much better than one Kinder egg I had back in the mid-2000s where it was just a paper (or maybe just bottom-tier plastic?) ball you blew air into to make it expand out, even though trying to do anything with the thing made it feel like it was going to tear. If anything, I have a cheap plastic top to spin.

Not much else to say beyond this. The chocolate spread was nice n' chocolatey, the wafers were tasty, and the toy is cheap. I don't not recommend, but I don't really recommend either, it's nothing earth-shattering, but maybe you can get it for your kid some time to give them a treat and an activity for a few hours. I mean, if kids still play with toys these days.


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