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Dreadful Script Edition

Page 3

SONIC DER FRINDEN SWËDEHAUF
(Sonic's Journey to Sweden)

STARRING: Sonic, Knuckles, Tails, a Meatball, and special guest Gau as "The Waiter"!

Sonic the Hedgehog has flown to Sweden to see the grand Swedish landmarks. Along with him is his friends, Tails and Knuckles.

SONIC:Ah. The smell of Swedish air. Like it?
TAILS:*cough-cough-wheeze-hack-cough* Y-yeah.
KNUCKLES:Where to next? Coffee shop? Coffee house? Coffee factory? I need COFFEE or I'll go I-N-S-A-N-E!!!
TAILS:You already are insane.
SONIC:Maybe Knuckles has a point. Let's go to a restaurant, and perhaps sample some Swedish cuisine!
KNUCKLES:Coffee-on-a-stick!!! Yah!!!

Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles go to "Chez Munch" and get into a booth.

TAILS:Nice booth.
GAU:Hello, I'll be your waiter today.
SONIC:Hello, I'll be your customer today.
GAU:Very nice. Here is le ménu *hands everyone a ménu* for lunch, and a vino list.
SONIC:Vin?
GAU:That means "wine", sir with blue pointy hair.
TAILS:Video game characters don't drink wine, and Sega characters like us can't afford it. Lousy Nintendo.
KNUCKLES:Coffee!
GAU:We have many types of coff--
KNUCKLES:Any kind!!! Just get me COFFEE!!!
GAU:We'll see what we can rustle up, uh, coffee-wise. Read our ménu, and I'll be back shortly.

The waiter leaves, and the three hedgehogs take a glance at the ménu.

SONIC:OK, let's see what's cheap... ...aha! Swedish meatballs! $4.99? Better just get one. What about you?
KNUCKLES:Coffee!
TAILS:Lovely English Halibut, drained on a chibeaux-de-frais and beautifully arranged on a fine oak skewing sword.
SONIC:Which means...
TAILS:Dry-fish-on-a-stick.
SONICOh, that... sounds... tasty... in a strange way.
GAU:I'm back. Ready to order?
SONIC:A single Swedish meatball.
KNUCKLES:COFFEE!!!!!!!!
TAILS:Lovely English Halibut, drained on a chibeaux-de-frais and beautifully arranged on a fine oak skewing sword.
GAU:Hunh?
TAILS:Dry-fish-on-a-stick.
GAU:Ah, excellent. I brought some coffee for anxious one. Now where's the cream? Oh yes!

The waiter reaches into his armpit, and retrieves several plastic cups of cream.

SONIC:This is obviously not the best restaurant around.
GAU:I will come back soon with your order.

The waiter leaves the table again.

TAILS:Something about that waiter is weird. He sort of reminds me of a Nintendo character... ...but it couldn't be.
KNUCKLES:COFFEE!!!!! Oh boy!!!

Knuckles guzzles down his coffee.

KNUCKLES:That's better
SONIC:Where's our food? It's been... ...14 seconds!
TAILS:Calm down. Restaurants in real life aren't like video game cafés. It takes time to prepare meatballs and fishes-on-sticks.
KNUCKLES:I agree.
SONIC:Ah, I guess that coffee calmed you down.
KNUCKLESYes, coffee helps me get through the day. In fact, the reason I was so hyped in Sonic the Hedgehog 3, was because I forgot to get coffee.
TAILS:You were in that game? Hmmm... I rarely noticed him.
GAU:Here is your order, Mr. Blue-Pointed-Hair, and yours too, Mr. Orange-Hair-ded-Guy.
KNUCKLES:Thank you for being so polite, Mr. Green-Chunkorific-Hair.
GAU:You customers can be so cruel...
SONIC:Oh, that's a big meatball!
GAU:I'll leave you to your meals. Enjoy!

The waiter leaves the table yet again.

TAILS:That's a cool meatball, Sonic!
???:Darn right!
TAILS:Sonic, did you say that? Well, you're right if you did.
???:No, I said it, you chunky goon!
TAILS:SONIC!!! I am not a chunky goon!
SONIC:Hunh? I didn't say anything.
???:I SAID THAT!!! Down here!
SONIC:The m-m-meatball is t-t-talking!
MEATBALL:Darn right!
KNUCKLES:Heh... I didn't know meatballs could talk.
MEATBALL:True, but I've got something on me that your regular home meatballs don't!
TAILS:What?
MEATBALL:I'm Swedish!
GAU:Everything OK here?
SONIC:Yes, except for the fact that my MEATBALL IS TALKING!!!!!
GAU:Very good.

The waiter leaves for the last time.

KNUCKLES:Just EAT the meantball, Sonic.
TAILS:*munches on Dry-Fish-on-a-Stick* Meah, Monic, me's mot monna *swallows* bother you.
MEATBALL:NOOO!!! Don't eat me!
SONIC:Well, I--
TAILS:EAT!
KNUCKLES:EAT!
MEATBALL:EAT-- I mean, DON'T EAT!
SONIC:*growls* I can't eat this innocent meatball! Let's get out of here or I'll go crazy!
KNUCKLES:Fine, but the bill's on you.

Sonic leaves some money, and then the three Sega characters march into the distance.

THE END

GAU:Well, we had some laughs tonight, didn't we? Yes. Well, good night everyone, and see you next time!
MEATBALL:And don't forget to purchase some orange drink for the ride home!

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