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LABEL: Sheffield Tunes RELEASE DATE: December 5, 2014 GENRE: House, Happy Hardcore
// review by SoyBomb

Please stop the hardcore.

It's time to once again talk about that trio from Hamburg: Scooter, this iteration containing the legendary shouting frontman H.P. Baxxter and bandmates Michael Simon and relative newcomer Phil Speiser, who replaced Rick J. Jordan in early 2014 who left after 20 years in the band. Scooter has typically been known for their club-friendly tunes and pounding beats with catchy melodies (often taken from long-forgotten songs repurposed for the new generation). But on rare occasions — such as this one — Scooter just takes a break from their usual formula and pops out something quite different for the ears. Such was the case for "Can't Stop The Hardcore", a song that, in my review of their 2014 album, The Fifth Chapter, I thought was a bit of a dud. But they released it as a single anyway because they don't really listen to me.

Not much has been changed in the Radio Edit. It's still the same blend of a plucky Greek melody (from the Greek dance "sirtaki", apparently) and some jagged hardcore beats. The song's been cut down to a slimmer 2:45, slicing off about a minute of excess. What hasn't been cut, however, are H.P.'s singing chants about drinking Belvedere Vodka and having "naked bitches" over there. Wherever THERE is, I don't know. The only things in its favour is that the beat's a bit harder and that the song doesn't slow down halfway through, giving us a bit of nonstop power. Now then... I'll admit that I didn't really enjoy the album version much, but with the absence of much of H.P.'s singing and what is now basically a more "hardcore" experience without the slowdown, I actually like this one a bit more. Not a LOT more, but it's catchy in a way.

The Scooter Remix doesn't exactly remix much per se, but what it DOES do is remove H.P.'s singing entirely and replace it with more of the hardcore synths and skitchy sound effects, which are basically the best parts of the original. This one's quite a powerful beast and probably would make a few ceiling tiles fall down in a club. I'd actually recommend this one!

Scooter couldn't leave us without an Extended Mix, but it's essentially the album version (complete with the energy level coming to a crawl in the middle, which I really don't like in this case), just about ten seconds longer. They also throw in the Heavyweight Edit, yet ANOTHER version of the same song, just with a different arrangement of its parts while offering absolutely nothing new. This is perhaps the most unnecessary addition to a single I've ever seen.

In a twist of fate, there's a B-Side! After abolishing them thanks to the supposedly sage advice of the record label, we now get B-Sides back with Hain A.M., and it's... bizarre. I'm trying to wrap my brain around what genre to classify the song, and it really escapes me. It's definitely housy, tossing around fake guitar samples like confetti at a birthday party, alongside a few other unusual samples here and there. There's a faint bassline to it that I wish was stronger, but I suppose that just adds to the effect. Unfortunately, Hain A.M. is ultimately forgettable, but it's nice to see them trying a different sound... or many different sounds in one cacophony.

Oh, hey, let's not forget about you, Instrumental. If you wanted the Radio Edit without all that human voice in it, this is your lucky day because that's exactly what you get.

Can't Stop The Hardcore isn't the worst song in the world, and in fact, it can even become an earworm. But the fact that there are so many similar versions of the song on one single is perplexing to say the least. They could've used that space for an actual remix, another B-Side, or better yet, pictures of famous pants.

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