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LABEL: Sheffield Tunes RELEASE DATE: May 23, 2014 GENRE: Electro House, Bigroom
// review by SoyBomb

Blitzkrieg for the ears.

In January 2014, Scooter had just finished its "20 Years of Hardcore Tour", celebrating two successful decades of putting the feet of ravers all over the world on the dancefloor. With the conclusion of this tour also came another end of an era: the departure of founding member Rick J. Jordan, whose desire to separate from the group and explore new musical directions had been a long time coming. In his place came Phil Speiser, also known as Dirty Disco Youth, who had already released many electro house singles over the past few years. After a long period of silence, Scooter in its new formation — still with legendary frontman H.P. Baxxter and Michael Simon — announced the first single from their upcoming album, "The Fifth Chapter", entitled "Bigroom Blitz". And they put Wiz Khalifa in it.

Speiser's influence is immediately apparent, as the other guys probably would never have come up with a tune like this. Following in the footsteps of other bigroom and electro-house tunes pulled straight from your alarm clock, it's Bigroom Blitz! Naturally, we start off with the Radio Edit, which gives us everything we need to know. Part of the song pulls from "Hadi Bakalım" by Sezen Aksu, also known as the Queen of Turkish Pop. Heard of her? Didn't think so. And as that high-pitched voice tells us that "it's, it's the Bigroom Blitz", then it hits you: that loud beeping synth that's infecting many electro-house songs. No melody, just one note, alongside a pumping bass sample. It eventually grew on me a bit (it's great for driving at high speeds), but a little creativity couldn't have hurt anybody.

But we forgot about H.P.! He has to pop in sometime to have his nonsensical say! And he does indeed, spouting his usual strange rhymes, including reaching his "faith at the gate", referring to someone named "Shotta", and literally saying "jack the cactus." It's bizarre, but not unexpected. Wiz Khalifa's verses, which appear to simply have been purchased rather than created specifically for this track, are unnecessarily profane and don't match the song at all. As much as I love hearing him degrade women and express his interest in marijuana (please note my sarcasm), I'd rather he didn't appear here at all. Or anywhere, I suppose, if that's his idea of poetry. I at least like the backing instrumentation during the raps. There isn't much variation in this song, though; it's more or less a case of "play this, then that, then this, then that, then this again" pattern. Overall, it would hardly qualify as their best song by a longshot, but as far as electro-house music goes, it's at least partially listenable thanks to the Turkish melody popping up now and again.

The Scooter Remix, though an improvement over the Radio Edit, isn't THAT much better. I was hoping for something sounding like the Scooter I used to know and love, but instead, they've just toned down the aural annoyance factor. The melody rhythm is different, albeit still monotonous, but at least the synth they used doesn't dig as large a hole in your skull or any other organs. Plus, there are a few more sound effects and practically no vocals. It's the better of the two mixes. There's also an Extended Mix, but the "extended" part is pathetic: just a different sampled synth bit that doesn't even match up with the rest of the song. So when it transitions to the part we hear on the radio, there's an absolute disconnect and zero flow. Useless.

Last but not least is the P.A.F.F. Remix, made by Polish artist P.A.F.F. I'll say it right now: this is the best mix on the single. He wastes no time by throwing some seriously jive acid our way to represent the chorus of the song. This sweet electro delight is a refreshing take on the original, plus they only use ONE of H.P. and Wiz's verses instead of both. The only strange part is when it seriously slows down for the rap parts alongside a distorted bell tune in the background. It's... hip, I guess. Thank goodness the remix regains its ground and throws more acid in my face. The goggles, they may do nothing, but I'll still take that acid.

Is "Bigroom Blitz" a misstep in Scooter's career, or are they just trying to pull themselves back into the mainstream spotlight by clinging to the latest trends? It's probably both. I'm sure some hip kids will like this song and titter away to the video, but I seriously hope that tunes like this are in the vast minority on their new album. Oddly enough, this song just might grow on you, as it did on me, but I can tell when a song is pretty bad, even if I admit to liking it. I CAN like bad music, as can everyone. William Hung's Christmas album, "Hung for the Holidays", sold 35,000 copies. Proof.

Oh, and I don't think I even want to touch the music video for this song. Having a bunch of women in tight aerobics gear hopping on trampolines to the beat is all well and good, I suppose. You COULD use this song for an exercise class. But the problem is, they couldn't get Wiz Khalifa to appear in the video. So how do they replace him? With a talking breast with a seedy mustache. I'm not making this up. I don't even think I could pretend to have made this up. I would have much preferred a talking dog.

What do you think about all this, Rick J. Jordan from 1995?

See what happens when you leave the room?

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