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LABEL: Clubland, Epic RELEASE DATE: December 15, 2003 GENRE: Trance, House, Italo-Disco
// review by SoyBomb

Rock that boar?

It's been quite some time since I wrote a single word about Master Blaster, that German dance group that gained popularity in the early 2000s by reworking old Italo disco hits into something a little more powerful, pumpin', and palpable to a wider audience (often by making the chorus faster). Known for hits like "Hypnotic Tango" and "How Old R U", they certainly had a hand in commercial dance music for a while. In 2003, after basking in the glow of a new album, they teamed up with former Snap! rapper Turbo B. for another go at the Italo disco scene with "Ballet Dancer".

The 4-track CD-Maxi begins with the Video Edit that starts with Turbo B. immediately busting out some wicked rhymes. Starting with the everlasting "Who that coming to the floor / To rock that boy / Turbo B on the draw", although I swear on my life that he actually says "To rock that boar". Who knows, maybe this Turbo B. fellow is a wild hog enthusiast. With other lyrics like "Hands up high for the prodigal son / Shake those asses have some fun", how can you not want to put down your Heineken and start shaking your heiney-ken? The song quickly switches to the chorus, a cover of The Twins' 1983 italo hit, "Ballet Dancer". I wouldn't be surprised if it was just ripped directly from the song and sped up a bit, placed over fairly standard dance beats and synths, although I honestly think Master Blaster kicks have a bit more thickness to them, which I always appreciate. The song's melody is also modeled after the Twins' chorus, so you get what you expect. It's catchy, although I think Turbo B. could've been replaced with... I don't know, anything else, really. With such a generic rap in the second verse about getting our "freak on" and, of course, drinking, there's not much merit in that. At least the song's non-Turbo elements are simple party fun. The Club Mix is basically an extended, stretched-out version of this song to get more mileage from it.

Also included is the Jens O. Remix, which starts out immediately with a wacky slowed-down Turbo B. sample that is pretty neat. Jens O. plays around with Turbo B.'s vocals with cool chopped effects for a while before re-entering standard dance territory with Turbo B.'s rapping and a very meh bassline. Harder synths later lead the way to the chorus, alongside an instrumental melody that's very different but inferior to the original. I'm not sure what that melody's trying to do, but it's, to say the least. The Jens O. Remix has some amusing technical effects, but it really fails in the ear-catching department, sounding too generic and amateurish when it really counts.

"Hey, as long as we have you here, Mr. B, do you mind if we add some of your shouts to another one of our songs?" "Yeah, sure, as long as you give me that meatball sub you promised." And so, Pay 4 Ur Life (Album Version-Edit) came to be included on here, another catchy tune that actually ISN'T based on any previous italo-tune. The focus in this song is on the sharp dance synths, although the "Pay for your life, your li-i-ife..." samples get some airplay as well. This one isn't bad, either.

Want to be a ballet dancer? You could either take years of ballet classes, mastering your personal flexibility, grace, and balance, or you could just listen to Turbo B. rap about boars and dream about it. Either way is fine.

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