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LABEL: Ultra Records; Blanco Y Negro RELEASE DATE: December 1, 2010 GENRE: House
// review by SoyBomb

Not even handsome.

I'm sorry. I just had to talk a bit about this single because it's so cringeworthy, it makes me pucker like a chili cookoff champion. Gabry Ponte, formerly one third of the ever-popular Blue-Da-Ba-Dee-ing band Eiffel 65, set off on a solo career filled with cornball melodies while still enduring popularity on his home turf. But this... this... is something else.

Let's start with the Radio Edit, which gives us everything we need to know. Of all the melodies he could have developed (or in this case, selected), why oh why did Frère Jacques get chosen? It sounds extremely childish here, especially when overlapped by Maya Days' barrage of generically barf-worthy lyrics:

Sexy DJ, I want more play
In the club, in the club
Keep my body moving
Jumping, pumping, grooving
Show me love, show me love

The song itself is a brusque blend of rugged electro stabs, occasional breakbeat stumbles, and more of Maya Days' rapping about hitting the dancefloor. Like we need another one of those. She even ensures that she also cover another nursery rhyme classic, Little Bunny Foo Foo, replacing the (somewhat) innocent poetry with prattle about a funky little DJ. It's enough to make your gut wince in pain. Don't even touch the Extended Mix; it's simply more of this, but in this case, less is more, and none is best.

I checked out the Beatport release of Sexy DJ, and it turns out there are REMIXES of this darn beast. The Bellani & Spada Remix indulges in pizzicato jabs while aiming for a very hollow electro house sound. The main instrumental hook is pretty shrill and downright awful. It reminds me somewhat of what a root canal sounds like in audio form. No need to bother. The DJs From Mars Remix starts out competently enough with a blend of electro pulses and deep bass before switching over to an actually enjoyable piano arpeggiation that may be the most listenable item in this package. I think they realized just how flimsy the source material was and tried their best to salvage it. Once they get the nasty vocals out of the way, DJs From Mars push forward with some pretty nice electro bass that's rather uplifting to be honest. Miles ahead of the competition, this remix definitely wins the race. There's also a DJs From Mars Radio Edit, if you are pressed for time.

Gabry Ponte's library isn't all bad — he has some catchy tunes under his belt, for sure — but this isn't one you want to remember. Only the DJs From Mars remix is worth your time; the rest will probably forever curse your ear drums.

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